Today was her birthday.

Well, since that day of cookies I've been thinking of the arrival of this day. It wasn't a very good response at all but... I'm just thinking of it, I just can't explain why. I know it can't happen, and won't happen, yet my head refuses to listen.

Today... It almost seemed like someone up there is trying to set up the whole stage for me. A Chinese music concert to start with, Chinese listening comprehension, BPGHS Speech Day and its even her birthday.

Its almost like completely planned beforehand in order to get me to actually do something.

At 12am I sms-ed once wishing her happy birthday, and to be honest, I could only sleep at 2am, after thinking non-stop about what I could do through the day itself.

The day after, I just... could not do it.

I can't bring myself to do something when I know I'm not good enough yet.

I mean, look at me. Physically, self-esteem... I can't make it at all. I'm not exactly a love guru either.

I'm not fit. Not worthy at all. She deserves better than me. From Secondary 1, I've thought this way and till now I still believe in it.

童话
我愿变成童话里
你爱的那个天使
张开双手
变成翅膀守护你
你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
一起写我们的结局

我不是对爱失去了信心， 而是放弃对童话故事的期望。

Looking back to the day I first saw her walking into the class 4 years ago, to the day at Sparkc camp, to the blog post on December 26, 2006 and to today, 17 July 2007.

The rain continues to pour outside my window as I continue this post. How ironic.

Alone in the rain.