I am. Stressed.
What a joke I must be, the guy not in NS, the guy not in JC. No exams, no Officers, not even an official job. I'm practically the guy that, well, am really doing nothing at all. I'm not even taking my driving's theory test. Currently, I'm have nothing up.
But that doesn't deny the fact that I am stressed. Probably more stressed that ever before. Of course, this post does not hold any significance to anything else, and simply heading towards what would be described as a pathetically boring rant. On afterthought, perhaps that should have been the first line. Well, too late.
What am I stressed over, this little boy with no exams and no NS. Firstly, that I have no NS.
I am frustrated over how my NS life has gone. To be honest, I am unhappy that I'm going to have the latest ORD date of all. Like, THE latest. I'm pretty sure everyone already knows what happened to me on my original enlistment date, and how I had been promoted to a civilian for just a while more.
But to the horror of it all, just a while more turned out to be much longer than I thought. As we speak, the doctor at SGH had not handed in my medical report to the government. Yes, it has not arrived. And after it arrives, I'm estimated to have my enlistment date only 3 weeks after.
Of course I'm thinking to myself, well! Then I could jolly well make it to April's batch of PES C, wouldn't I?
Until the NS hotline lady replied, probably not. And that it all depends on when the doctor replies.
After which I realize that after the 24th April batch of PES C recruits, the next batch will be entering in June. Which practically means that I'll not only be in solo without anyone I know, I'll be forced to OOC after 3 weeks to go through the compulsory PSC course preparations from 2 July.
And when I come back, I'll have to go through the whole bloody BMT confinement again. Sheesh.
Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise, especially when rumours are up that this April's batches are going to go to Ninja and Cougar. To be absolutely honest, I never saw myself as an army guy. Unpatriotic as it may sound, I am really just in it to get it done. Hell, I'm willing to work and teach the children for years to come, but not be inefficiently running with guns. Especially not with this knee of mine now.
Which brings me to my 2nd problem. My knee. At first, I thought it was no big deal. Probably just a sprain, which was then checked out to be a torn ACL. Basically. I torn the bloody ligament. Considering that recovery after operation is 6 months. Its not a small deal. Everyone has been telling me that the operation's fast and under GA, thus its not that bad. But considering that I get freaked out over a needle in my arm, I'll probably kill myself before having a hole cut on my knee.
Ok, scratch that, I'll get the operation before killing myself.
Nevertheless, because I had not received the notice that I had received an opportunity to study overseas, I had no intention to be going into army too late, so I postponed the operation so as I could enter early at April. And now, I'll be flying off soon to UK (If they accept me of course.), and I'll be spending 4 years with a bloody torn LIGAMENT. And possibly 2 more years in NS. GOD.
Then I think about my scholarship and everything. To tell you the truth, do I think I'm qualified for this scholarship? No.
I'll say it again no. Because I know many people who are, MANY. Let's not joke. I'm not an intelligent boy. If anything I am only average, perhaps what that I might have more than the average human is the ability to speak fast and my insane luck factor. I have proof behind me, only just managing to get up on stage on both O and A Levels, by the smallest of margins. Anything less, and poof, I would be gone. And for every year, I had been blessed with the opportunity to get the best possible education available. EM1 in Primary 5 after getting a B in Chinese, 259 in PSLE despite only 2A*s, getting into 3T2 despite ranked 203 out of 314 students, ACJC in PAE despite 9 points, and ACJC's SA1 in JAE despite only 7. I... am an average boy academically, this is my proof! Perhaps I have answered some question of yours in the past, or shown some rare brilliance one time or another, but overall, I remain average. See. My. Proof.
Taking our eyes off academics, in both community work and CCAs, neither had I have any major contributions that would have changed the world. I've actually always hated the point that I mostly couldn't take the time to go for OCIPs and such, to enjoy my time doing something I liked, and seriously ramp up my CIP points while at it. Of course, that made me fall back to simply doing library work in the school back in BP, and in AC, really nothing at all. There was no easily open opportunities available in the school despite the point that I still keep in contact with both librarians in both schools even till today. And for some reason, I still manage to hit a respectable 80 Hours in AC, mostly thanks to Fun-O-Rama. Perhaps it's this feeling that had driven me to help out at Touch Community Services with Xin Jie the past few days. I should be going back there soon, haven't been there for a while.
And looking back at anything else, to say the truth, I have never lead any of my CCAs into a first position before. The only first I ever had was from Astro, which I only acted as the Mugger to get them into the Finals for Derek and Dong Wei to try and withstand Rong En. There's really nothing for me to claim from the victory other than I was quite a 1337 mugger in astro. IT Club, Chess, Bridge, Chinese Orchestra even. Perhaps my responsibility was to pass the baton, and push the next years beyond me, which was rather true, looking back at CO and IT Club. Bridge is really starting to worry me.
Basically, what I'm trying to point out is that there are many people better than me. And I had been the, as I have said before, luckiest bastard on Earth. And thus I have been bestowed upon this opportunity to travel further than Ipoh! And into the United Kingdoms. I'm worried over many things. Whether I would be able to manage the competition, if I can get a First Class / 2nd Upper Honours, whether I can stand being so long away alone, whether I really need to go all the way there to do Maths. Is NUS really that undesirable?
Many people must be cursing me now, showing hesitation in accepting such a prestigious scholarship that they themselves would kill for. But I guess that's how it goes. It is, in the end, 4 years of study, and 6 years of work, all included in that signature I pen upon the paper.
Just 3 things to rant about today. I'll be a liar if I claim that there was no more. But it cannot be denied that everybody has things that can never be ranted on in the public. Then again, I've realized that this rant wasn't even really one, without even a single vulgarity in the whole essay. Perhaps it had just been an avenue for me just to take stock of my situation before planning the next move. Well, if anything, it has certainly taken my mind off all the issues for the past 1 hour that I had spent typing this.
And here I am thinking, if I had anything more to add to this post. Probably, just that it hasn't had the chance to formulate into words. I think I go way to much into things. Basically, I have the mind of an emo, and fortunately, the sanity of a human being.
I should pick up a hobby. Keeps my mind off things.
What a joke I must be, the guy not in NS, the guy not in JC. No exams, no Officers, not even an official job. I'm practically the guy that, well, am really doing nothing at all. I'm not even taking my driving's theory test. Currently, I'm have nothing up.
But that doesn't deny the fact that I am stressed. Probably more stressed that ever before. Of course, this post does not hold any significance to anything else, and simply heading towards what would be described as a pathetically boring rant. On afterthought, perhaps that should have been the first line. Well, too late.
What am I stressed over, this little boy with no exams and no NS. Firstly, that I have no NS.
I am frustrated over how my NS life has gone. To be honest, I am unhappy that I'm going to have the latest ORD date of all. Like, THE latest. I'm pretty sure everyone already knows what happened to me on my original enlistment date, and how I had been promoted to a civilian for just a while more.
But to the horror of it all, just a while more turned out to be much longer than I thought. As we speak, the doctor at SGH had not handed in my medical report to the government. Yes, it has not arrived. And after it arrives, I'm estimated to have my enlistment date only 3 weeks after.
Of course I'm thinking to myself, well! Then I could jolly well make it to April's batch of PES C, wouldn't I?
Until the NS hotline lady replied, probably not. And that it all depends on when the doctor replies.
After which I realize that after the 24th April batch of PES C recruits, the next batch will be entering in June. Which practically means that I'll not only be in solo without anyone I know, I'll be forced to OOC after 3 weeks to go through the compulsory PSC course preparations from 2 July.
And when I come back, I'll have to go through the whole bloody BMT confinement again. Sheesh.
Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise, especially when rumours are up that this April's batches are going to go to Ninja and Cougar. To be absolutely honest, I never saw myself as an army guy. Unpatriotic as it may sound, I am really just in it to get it done. Hell, I'm willing to work and teach the children for years to come, but not be inefficiently running with guns. Especially not with this knee of mine now.
Which brings me to my 2nd problem. My knee. At first, I thought it was no big deal. Probably just a sprain, which was then checked out to be a torn ACL. Basically. I torn the bloody ligament. Considering that recovery after operation is 6 months. Its not a small deal. Everyone has been telling me that the operation's fast and under GA, thus its not that bad. But considering that I get freaked out over a needle in my arm, I'll probably kill myself before having a hole cut on my knee.
Ok, scratch that, I'll get the operation before killing myself.
Nevertheless, because I had not received the notice that I had received an opportunity to study overseas, I had no intention to be going into army too late, so I postponed the operation so as I could enter early at April. And now, I'll be flying off soon to UK (If they accept me of course.), and I'll be spending 4 years with a bloody torn LIGAMENT. And possibly 2 more years in NS. GOD.
Then I think about my scholarship and everything. To tell you the truth, do I think I'm qualified for this scholarship? No.
I'll say it again no. Because I know many people who are, MANY. Let's not joke. I'm not an intelligent boy. If anything I am only average, perhaps what that I might have more than the average human is the ability to speak fast and my insane luck factor. I have proof behind me, only just managing to get up on stage on both O and A Levels, by the smallest of margins. Anything less, and poof, I would be gone. And for every year, I had been blessed with the opportunity to get the best possible education available. EM1 in Primary 5 after getting a B in Chinese, 259 in PSLE despite only 2A*s, getting into 3T2 despite ranked 203 out of 314 students, ACJC in PAE despite 9 points, and ACJC's SA1 in JAE despite only 7. I... am an average boy academically, this is my proof! Perhaps I have answered some question of yours in the past, or shown some rare brilliance one time or another, but overall, I remain average. See. My. Proof.
Taking our eyes off academics, in both community work and CCAs, neither had I have any major contributions that would have changed the world. I've actually always hated the point that I mostly couldn't take the time to go for OCIPs and such, to enjoy my time doing something I liked, and seriously ramp up my CIP points while at it. Of course, that made me fall back to simply doing library work in the school back in BP, and in AC, really nothing at all. There was no easily open opportunities available in the school despite the point that I still keep in contact with both librarians in both schools even till today. And for some reason, I still manage to hit a respectable 80 Hours in AC, mostly thanks to Fun-O-Rama. Perhaps it's this feeling that had driven me to help out at Touch Community Services with Xin Jie the past few days. I should be going back there soon, haven't been there for a while.
And looking back at anything else, to say the truth, I have never lead any of my CCAs into a first position before. The only first I ever had was from Astro, which I only acted as the Mugger to get them into the Finals for Derek and Dong Wei to try and withstand Rong En. There's really nothing for me to claim from the victory other than I was quite a 1337 mugger in astro. IT Club, Chess, Bridge, Chinese Orchestra even. Perhaps my responsibility was to pass the baton, and push the next years beyond me, which was rather true, looking back at CO and IT Club. Bridge is really starting to worry me.
Basically, what I'm trying to point out is that there are many people better than me. And I had been the, as I have said before, luckiest bastard on Earth. And thus I have been bestowed upon this opportunity to travel further than Ipoh! And into the United Kingdoms. I'm worried over many things. Whether I would be able to manage the competition, if I can get a First Class / 2nd Upper Honours, whether I can stand being so long away alone, whether I really need to go all the way there to do Maths. Is NUS really that undesirable?
Many people must be cursing me now, showing hesitation in accepting such a prestigious scholarship that they themselves would kill for. But I guess that's how it goes. It is, in the end, 4 years of study, and 6 years of work, all included in that signature I pen upon the paper.
Just 3 things to rant about today. I'll be a liar if I claim that there was no more. But it cannot be denied that everybody has things that can never be ranted on in the public. Then again, I've realized that this rant wasn't even really one, without even a single vulgarity in the whole essay. Perhaps it had just been an avenue for me just to take stock of my situation before planning the next move. Well, if anything, it has certainly taken my mind off all the issues for the past 1 hour that I had spent typing this.
And here I am thinking, if I had anything more to add to this post. Probably, just that it hasn't had the chance to formulate into words. I think I go way to much into things. Basically, I have the mind of an emo, and fortunately, the sanity of a human being.
I should pick up a hobby. Keeps my mind off things.
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