I guess this would be a post to vent my frustrations on now. I'm a pessimist, there are many things I hate about the world. But the difference about me is that I do see some things that I like as well, thus not completely reducing me to a complete emo.
And one of the things that I don't like about our world, is the appearance of a chance to do something, that is only taken away from you in the last minute, as if to mock you of all the hard work that you have placed upon it since the beginning of time. And its not like I've not been through such situations in my life. Sometimes in studies, sometimes in friendships and many times in competitions.
And now, I'm presented with another one at hand, which is the PSC Scholarships. I'm really very happy receiving it, and while everybody is congratulating me on it, I'm depressed at the point that the additional stipulations that nobody seems to pay attention to. Nothing is confirmed as we speak. Nothing.
Firstly, let me make it clear. The offer for the scholarship may be retracted anytime. Two big reasons that might hinder my path is firstly, A Levels results. In order to receive results, the basic scores required, from most websites that I've been to, its 3As and 1Bs for your 4H2s, as well as Distinction for my H3. While everyone is then saying, should be no problem, I beg to differ.
I'm very afraid of what might be my score. For the past 2 years, the last time I've received an A for Chemistry was back in JC1 Term Exams. Never again have I seen that elusive A in my papers. Every time, there's always a reason that I would screw up and end up with something less desirable. I'm worried that I've screwed up and don't even know it myself. In addition to that, I've never gotten an A in any econs paper. The only good result I received was a B in prelims. And to tell you the truth, I don't think I deserved it. It was marked far too lightly, even in my opinion. And in addition to that, I didn't do well for the Economics Essay paper. It was a bad experience, made a completely fundamental mistake even. Its really the worst paper I've ever written. In addition to that, I'm not sure of my H3 results nor if I'll get a decent score for my General Paper.
And in addition to the road block above, there's another one down the road after that. To tell you the truth, the only university that I have interest in attending in UK for Mathematics is Cambridge. As simple as that. Its the dream school for all people interested in Maths. Its requirements is 3As in 3H2s at least. And even with that, the way to get in is via the interview and such rather than the grades.
..
I'm not going to rant anymore. To tell you the truth, to me, there's no difference between studying overseas and in Singapore. It doesn't matter. I hope to get to Cambridge, but I won't die studying at NUS. But that's not how my parents are taking it. They practically think I'm there already, and it really sucks to know that I could be disappointing them. To have, to them, have had the opportunity of the world, presented to me, for me to be to incompetent to keep a hold on it.
I wanna be able to do what they wish for me too. Yet, I'm here knowing that I can do nothing to change the A Levels results that already are probably out as we speak. If I had a chance, trust me, I would be studying like nobody's business. Because back then, there wasn't opportunities. Thus, no disappointments.
Frustrating.
And one of the things that I don't like about our world, is the appearance of a chance to do something, that is only taken away from you in the last minute, as if to mock you of all the hard work that you have placed upon it since the beginning of time. And its not like I've not been through such situations in my life. Sometimes in studies, sometimes in friendships and many times in competitions.
And now, I'm presented with another one at hand, which is the PSC Scholarships. I'm really very happy receiving it, and while everybody is congratulating me on it, I'm depressed at the point that the additional stipulations that nobody seems to pay attention to. Nothing is confirmed as we speak. Nothing.
Firstly, let me make it clear. The offer for the scholarship may be retracted anytime. Two big reasons that might hinder my path is firstly, A Levels results. In order to receive results, the basic scores required, from most websites that I've been to, its 3As and 1Bs for your 4H2s, as well as Distinction for my H3. While everyone is then saying, should be no problem, I beg to differ.
I'm very afraid of what might be my score. For the past 2 years, the last time I've received an A for Chemistry was back in JC1 Term Exams. Never again have I seen that elusive A in my papers. Every time, there's always a reason that I would screw up and end up with something less desirable. I'm worried that I've screwed up and don't even know it myself. In addition to that, I've never gotten an A in any econs paper. The only good result I received was a B in prelims. And to tell you the truth, I don't think I deserved it. It was marked far too lightly, even in my opinion. And in addition to that, I didn't do well for the Economics Essay paper. It was a bad experience, made a completely fundamental mistake even. Its really the worst paper I've ever written. In addition to that, I'm not sure of my H3 results nor if I'll get a decent score for my General Paper.
And in addition to the road block above, there's another one down the road after that. To tell you the truth, the only university that I have interest in attending in UK for Mathematics is Cambridge. As simple as that. Its the dream school for all people interested in Maths. Its requirements is 3As in 3H2s at least. And even with that, the way to get in is via the interview and such rather than the grades.
..
I'm not going to rant anymore. To tell you the truth, to me, there's no difference between studying overseas and in Singapore. It doesn't matter. I hope to get to Cambridge, but I won't die studying at NUS. But that's not how my parents are taking it. They practically think I'm there already, and it really sucks to know that I could be disappointing them. To have, to them, have had the opportunity of the world, presented to me, for me to be to incompetent to keep a hold on it.
I wanna be able to do what they wish for me too. Yet, I'm here knowing that I can do nothing to change the A Levels results that already are probably out as we speak. If I had a chance, trust me, I would be studying like nobody's business. Because back then, there wasn't opportunities. Thus, no disappointments.
Frustrating.
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